Jackie Powers Writing Blog

When I ask myself “Who am i?", one of the first answers is that I’m a writer. But I’ve been fighting this edit for so long that I can hardly be called a writer because it’s been so long since I’ve written anything.

I’m afraid to write anything new because I’m afraid of losing Sarah’s voice. But Sarah is a character whose story I can’t write or edit when the kids are in the house. And up until school started I hadn’t had a kid-free moment for months. Unfortunately for my writing but life-saving for my finances, school has finally started for everybody and I also started this job, which I told myself I’d work while the kids where in school… thinking that I could write on the weekends that I didn’t have the kids.

Except that my elder two kids have decided that they’re not enthused with dad’s house and all the rules the new wife has imposed, so kids have been spending their weekends with me. Which is kind of cool, they’re turning into rational human beings, but it means that since school started I haven’t had a kid-free weekend and no writing has been done.

So… the new plan is to spend an hour or two every morning writing on Sarah’s story. Then I’ll work on the job, since I really can do that when kid is home. And I’ll start this week, except that I can’t do it Tuesday, Thursday or Friday, because various kids will be home for various reasons… isn’t that the way it always works?

But, today I could try out the plan. I took kid to school, sat down at the computer and futzed with Sarah… accomplishing nothing.

Finally, I read over the summary of the day before Sarah’s story starts that I’d written a few weeks ago. And it’s really, really good. It tells the day, it tells her emotions, it’s a complete arc, a complete flow. It’s too boring a day to make a book out of, but in 6,000 words, it’s a great summary… and the flow stops completely dead when I start the actual book. Why?

Tossing the “hour or two” plan to the winds, I lay down on the couch for one of my brainstorming naps… during which I finally concede the point that I need to quit trying to edit the book that’s there and find out what the book really should be. I’ve been worried about the emotional flow of this book, and now I realize it’s right to worry.

So, the new plan and new schedule is to spend an hour or two every morning (that I don’t have kids) putting together a summary of the book. Forcing myself to let the true emotional flow of the story and the character take the book where it wants to go, even if that means tossing out scenes that I adore.

It’ll be hard to let go to that extent, with the realization of how much work I could be making for myself, but at least I’ll be writing again.