Jackie Powers Writing Blog

Fear is such an interesting thing, especially when it can’t be traced back to anything real.

Why can’t I edit this manuscript? Why can’t I make myself sit down at the computer and work? Why is everything else in the house more attractive? Why are there so many chores that absolutely have to be finished before I can sit down and edit? Why does everything else suddenly take precedence? Why can’t I do it, it’s not really that big of a deal?

So I ask myself, is it fear? If so, what am I afraid of? Success? Failure? Imperfection? What? Everything? Nothing?

And it’s all so stupid that I’m seriously annoyed at myself. **sigh**

One kid down, two more to move into dorms and one more to start school.

Got #3-son moved into IMSA today, with only two trips to the store to get him settled. By the time it came for the parents to leave, we had enough set so they could do the rest, and he was practically shoving me out the door. In contrast to the short lecture we all got from the principal at the “welcome to IMSA” gathering about how it might be hard for the kids to say good-bye (and harder for the parents to say good-bye). :-)

His roommate seems really nice, and roommate’s parents seem very relieved to have somebody that lived close in case their kid got sick or needed something, because they are almost 4 hours away.

So, basically I came home and collapsed… I’m soooo tired. Gotta figure out what’s going on, other than staying up too late because I can’t convince my kids to climb the stairs quietly when they go to bed… teenage boys somehow crossed with elephants. :-)

Anyway, it’s good to have one on his way.

I finally read my manuscript that I need to revise, from start to finish… first time I’ve done that since I finished it this February. Figured I’d best read it through before I start revising, especially since about two chapters from the end, I (as author) made a major discovery about a character who appears early in the story, and it’s something the POV character knows that I didn’t, so it needs to be incorporated back in and I couldn’t remember what it was.

So… what do I think about my book? The last half is completely awesome… the second quarter is okay… the first quarter sucks.

And, of course, what do I need to send to the agents and editors? The first three chapters, the worst chapters in the entire book. **sigh**

The good news is the fix is tedious, but fairly simple. It’s written in a very tight 1st person… except as I’ve pondered the revisions over the last couple weeks, I discovered that I don’t truly get into the POV character’s head until about half way into the book. Coincidentally enough, I get into her head about the time the book turns awesome. So, the fix is: I just need to get into her head from the first page. See, simple.

Doable? Well that’s another story. But, yes, it is doable. It basically means rewriting the first half of the book… and I hope to God! that not too much changes, because I really don’t want to have to rewrite the last half of the damn thing, too.

What technique am I going to use to get into her head from the first page? Once the true problem occurred to me, the fix turned out to be fairly simple, too. I’m going to start with the day before the book starts, the day of the inciting incident, the day that throws her world into the chaos the book itself is dealing with. By the time I get done with that day, I should have a very good handle on her real frame of mind on the page the book actually starts.

So, that’s the plan, begin with the day before and keep writing until I get to the part of the book where I finally fall deeply into her POV, and hope the transition between the two can be made seamless… and add an external plot… and move a scene.

All whilst I’m getting three kids ready to move into dorms and the fourth ready to start school. Oh joy.

But, I’m pleased to say that today, for the first time since I came home, I was actually up and about and doing things. My house isn’t close to clean, but it’s now vacuumed so it’s no longer gross, and I got a good start on cleaning my bedroom, which was so dusty it was driving me buggy. Tomorrow, I need to finish my bedroom, pay the bills, clean off my desk, take two kids shopping for dorm supplies, do the laundry, and grocery shop… and maybe someplace in there find the time to begin working on my story. That’s the plan anyway, we’ll see how it actually works out.

And just to make the whole picture complete…

Whatever storm y’all had here while I was gone, must have dropped some really good sized hail on my minivan… or something… because I’ve got pot-marks all over the top of it, and several really big dents on the roof that ended up breaking a bunch of the trim around the windshield and cracking the windshield in about four different places. And the stupid minivan was pulled up close to the house, no trees in sight to drop limbs on it. **grumble, grumble**

Gotta take it in tomorrow for an estimate to get it fixed. Oh joy.

I got up at 5am, gathered my stuff, checked out of the hotel, caught a cab to the bus stop and waited for the bus that would take me to the train station. I was anticipating a smooth trip back to Chicago, after all, what else could go wrong?

Well… the bus arrived on time, the train left on time, we didn’t encounter any freak weather and the entire trip was uneventful… except that I was in a fairly old sleeping-car and it had a serious mold problem… the one thing I know I’m allergic to. The first day wasn’t bad, but I got stuffy that night. I brushed it off figuring that it was something blooming that that train had traveled through and was glad that I’d brought allergy medicine with me. But it didn’t go away… in fact it kept getting gradually worse.

Unfortunately, whether it was the effects of the allergies, antihistamines, or sleep-deprivation, it didn’t occur to me what was going on, that it was the mold, until I was only hours from Chicago. When I woke up stuffy that first night, I should have asked them to move me to the other sleeper-car, but stupid me, it never occurred to me. Live and learn, I guess.

By the time I made it home, I was out of allergy medicine and beginning to have troubles breathing… for the first time I understood a little of what my kids with asthma were going through. But got home, doped up on more antihistamines went to bed and figured I’d be better by morning. **sigh** Well, now I know that if I ever let myself get that OD’d on allergens again, it’s going to take over 48-hours before I have two brain cells to rub together.

So much for working on my book before the kids get home tomorrow. Sometimes life sucks. I’ve got my dream editor waiting for my manuscript and I have four kids to get ready to start school this week and I won’t have time to spend a minute fixing my stupid manuscript. **sigh**

But, on the bright side, my books should be arriving tomorrow!! Christmas in August. That helps, a little.

And… next year’s conference is in Washington DC… I think I’ll fly.